A family system can be defined simply as a group of intimate and familiar relationships that influence your internal development (emotions, feelings, character) and your external relationships (my definition). According Dr. David Stoop, “A family is not merely a collection of separate individuals, who simply happen to share the same last name and street address. It is an organism, in which the attitudes, values and actions of each member interact with those of all the other members." The family system is truly one of the most powerful forces on earth. It can create healthy communities to whole nations, or it can foster a great deal of dysfunction. Scripture provides us a guide in how to develop, shape, and lead our families (and self). It all begins with the fear of the Lord. If God is our sole focus, then the rest is a slow to speedy roll downhill. We may hit bumps along the way as we become our own stumbling block, but the path we roll down is set in place. It is set not because we are determined, but rather because scripture spells out how families and the individual should live life. The question becomes “Who is really in control of your life and the life of your family?”
A thought came to mind recently was how/why we relate to people in an intimate way is how we tend to relate to God. This is something I have always known, but God took Carolyn and I to a new level of understanding this week. The argument that is made is that, for example, if we are relationally distant from people we will also be the same with God. Our family system teaches us how to function relationally. The spoken and unspoken rules/expectation in a family, the consistency of a family, in addition to the passions, character, integrity, and level of intimacy are the stones placed in our individual foundations. As I see it the cement that holds all this together is our understanding and experience of intimacy. Intimacy is a driving force that develops our identity. If our identity is healthy so will be all of the above. If our identity is anything but healthy (no matter what the level) so will be the above as well.
For some, they will be a transitional generation. These people live forward with the good, and work to transition from the dysfunction. All families, I would say are a bit dysfunctional. Thanks to sin, there is not much we can do or say at times about the dysfunction because of the sensitivity and unspoken rules in our families. However, there is something we can do about how we choose to live inside a particular family system. The words of a Chassidic Rabbi on his death bed clues us in on what action we can take. "When I was young, I set out to change the World. When I grew a little older, I perceived that this was too ambitious, so I set out to change my State. This, too, I realized as I grew older was to ambitious, so I set out to change my Town. When I realized I could not even do this, I tried to change my Family. Now, as an old man, I know that I should have stared by changing Myself. If I had started with myself, maybe then I would have succeeded in changing my Family, the Town or even the State --and who knows, maybe even the World!"
A thought came to mind recently was how/why we relate to people in an intimate way is how we tend to relate to God. This is something I have always known, but God took Carolyn and I to a new level of understanding this week. The argument that is made is that, for example, if we are relationally distant from people we will also be the same with God. Our family system teaches us how to function relationally. The spoken and unspoken rules/expectation in a family, the consistency of a family, in addition to the passions, character, integrity, and level of intimacy are the stones placed in our individual foundations. As I see it the cement that holds all this together is our understanding and experience of intimacy. Intimacy is a driving force that develops our identity. If our identity is healthy so will be all of the above. If our identity is anything but healthy (no matter what the level) so will be the above as well.
For some, they will be a transitional generation. These people live forward with the good, and work to transition from the dysfunction. All families, I would say are a bit dysfunctional. Thanks to sin, there is not much we can do or say at times about the dysfunction because of the sensitivity and unspoken rules in our families. However, there is something we can do about how we choose to live inside a particular family system. The words of a Chassidic Rabbi on his death bed clues us in on what action we can take. "When I was young, I set out to change the World. When I grew a little older, I perceived that this was too ambitious, so I set out to change my State. This, too, I realized as I grew older was to ambitious, so I set out to change my Town. When I realized I could not even do this, I tried to change my Family. Now, as an old man, I know that I should have stared by changing Myself. If I had started with myself, maybe then I would have succeeded in changing my Family, the Town or even the State --and who knows, maybe even the World!"
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